I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize