Yo dont text me then not text me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
