Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
