I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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