Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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