I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
