I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
