bring money and cleavage
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
