I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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