her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
