see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
