He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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