Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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