They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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