It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
