he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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