So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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