Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
false alarm. still invincible.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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