Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
