My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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