turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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