3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
