Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize