Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
