you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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