I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
