I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
