went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
