either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
