3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
