Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
