So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
