??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
