giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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