I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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