You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
