it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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