a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
