There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
