8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
