Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
