I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
