made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Holy sore nipples Batman
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
