The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
