So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
