On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've blown a few things in my day
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
