omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
