between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
