she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
