ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
