I'm jealous of your bromance
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
