I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
