the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
