I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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