Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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