I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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