Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't tell me you're on acid again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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