he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
