a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
