we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
