We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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