you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
