I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Randomize
