After last night, I could never be a politician.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
