My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
